The-Irish-Clover: Thoughts on 'EarthBound: My Version TOTAL REDUX'
by Angel of the Axis
Summary: You heard it, folks! The-Irish-Clover's commentary of 'EarthBound: My Version TOTAL REDUX' is coming to town! WARNING: Rated M for language, blood/gore, sex, incest, major stupidity, etc. etc. Viewer discretion is HIGHLY advised.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Hello, guys! I'm uploading a commentary from one of my dear friends, The-Irish-Clover.**

**Please keep in mind that these are his thoughts on DarkAngus's Earthbound fanfic, so no flames please!**

**You can meet him on DeviantART if you want! Just click on the link to my page on dA (Keep in mind that I am AngelicRose1), and look for my friends, which is right underneath my profile summary.**

**He's really nice, so don't be afraid to chat him up sometime! ^_^**

* * *

_Foreward_

Top of the morning to ya. I am Rory Bowden, or as I like to dub myself, The Irish Clover. After years of my laziness and flopping around deviantART, my antisocial-self decided to sit down and think up on a complex and accurate fanfiction commentary. And what better way to hate on something than one of the lowest common denominators. That, my superiors, is **EarthBound - DarkAngus' Version; Total Redux**. A fanfic that singlehandedly proves that there is no God.

**Q. What is EarthBound?**

A. EarthBound (Called MOTHER in Japan) is an RPG Trilogy started by Shigesato Itoi and made as games by Nintendo, Ape and HAL Laboratory Inc. EarthBound/MOTHER 2 was released for the SNES in 1994/1995, and the only one of three that was officially released in English. (MOTHER 1 and 3 were given download free fan translation patches instead.) In this game, you play as a young thirteen year old known as Ness, who has been put into a life and death adventure to stop the alien invader Giygas and his army from destroying Earth and everyone with it. He meets friends who help him on his journey, and learns the art of PSI which had been founded by Giygas' race a long time ago. Three friends follow Ness and help him out throughout the journey, a pretty girl named Paula Polestar, a nerdy but well-armed badass named Jeff Andonuts, and Pu, the Prince of Dalaam. He's called Poo in the English version of the game, but how can you go wrong with a teensy bit better name like Pu? Together, they create a dynamic quadrat that can get through anything.

As we speak, EarthBound has been hailed a cult classic, praised for its corny (and somewhat crappy) humour, and its original concept as a modern sci-fi-esque RPG. However, it failed to sell well in America, mainly due to the fact that the advertisement was poor (such as its slogan "This game stinks"), and there were only jumbo packs of the game that were unbelievably expensive. The worst part is that it was never released in Europe. I would have played it in my childhood.

Besides that though, it's still a dazzling experience to play EarthBound. If you like nonsensical alternate Earth fantasies with aliens, that is…

**Q. Who is DarkAngus?**

A. DarkAngus is a bisexual Satanist who writes some poorly written fanfictions that one dares to see in . While he is diagnosed with Autism, he is considered sick, selfish, uncaring, immature, a liar, and oblivious to his actions. He doesn't know that his fanfictions and the things he says hurts people. Also his education is atrocious, as he is known to be illiterate to everything.

He claims that he used to have a proofreader named Reid Wright, but then that proofreader snapped and tried to convince DarkAngus to try and make his fanfics decent, also stating the fact that those fanfics are indeed unreadable. Because of this, Reid was fired. DarkAngus now works on his own, torturing the people, their religions and their sexuality, along with the games/shows he focuses on in these fanfics.

**Q. So what is EarthBound – DarkAngus' Version?**

A. This fanfiction the answer to a question nobody ever asked or ever thought about. "What if DarkAngus sat down on his semen stained seat and started writing his vision of the whole story of EarthBound?"

EarthBound: My Version COMPLETE REDUX is where the entire story of the game is given a one way trip to Hell's Kitchen and is butchered as a whole. This charming little fanfic features Satanism, demons, alcohol, gambling and sex. Lots and lots of incomprehensible sex. Also features pointless dark hooker characters and filler chapters that have nothing to do with the game itself.

In other words, it was literally shat out from his ass on a bright Sunday Morning, shit more putrid than that from a seagull that just ate non-dairy ice cream. It took five hours for that shit to come out. The toilet's flushing system wouldn't work, so he grabbed a plunger and bucket, put the shit in the bucket and poured it into an empty writing book. This was the result.

There was an original version of the fic that was made a couple months before the Redux version was started, and was marginally shorter than the Redux version. But, I'm commentating on the Redux version since regarding the horrors it has in store, this version is even worse. I might commentate the original version though if a lot of people request it.

**Q. So why do you think this fanfic sucks?**

A. As you can see at the previous answer, DarkAngus uses the things he's over obsessed with to ruin EarthBound and turn it into a heartless blood and cum fest. In other words, like the iocane powder,_ "It is odorless, tasteless and is among the more deadly poisons known to man."_ **EarthBound – DarkAngus' Version** is the MOTHER series' equivalent to "My Immortal". It is safe to say that this fiction has nothing to do with EarthBound. A majority of the game's elements is sadly removed from this fic.

**Q. Why did DarkAngus remove a lot of the actual EarthBound material and add pointless smut in it?**

A. DarkAngus is an idiot. He doesn't care about EarthBound's characters, items and enemies, regardless of how likeable they are. The only thing he wants in his world is Satanism, sex, crime and hell. Try to stop him, he will just squeal at you like an immature brat and keep on doing this. He thought it would please the -420 people that read this crap, but obviously it didn't.

**Q. Is this fanfiction readable?**

A. Sadly, no. It is horrendously bad. Filthy, incompetent, ridiculous beyond belief. Unless you have read something similar like My Immortal before, you will need to be well ready to set eyes upon this. One who reads this will face absolute terror. In fact, much more terror than they could from fighting Giygas himself. You will never be able to sleep for a whole year. Speaking of which, when this fic was first published, people were confused if it was a troll fic or not, which is should be anyway, come to think of it.

**Q. Why are you writing this commentary in the first place?**

A. Because revenge is sweet. I hate this fanfiction with a passion, so this commentary is a counterattack which riffs and talks about everything wrong with this fanfic, as well as many kinds of pathetic jokes put into it. This is for those who have experienced pain, torture, sorrow and or despair after reading this story and need a remedy to heal themselves, or for those who haven't read this fic yet and/or need support, or if you just want a cheap laugh.

**Q. How long will this take?**

A. Angus said that this fanfic was intended to last for about 69 chapters, but it was discontinued for some reason and stayed with 41 chapters in total. In other words, this fanfic isn't even finished. Still, we have quite a long and treacherous journey ahead of us. You will need to listen to relaxing music, huddle yourself with a small blanket with a partner of yours, and treat yourself to a cup of tea and some warm biscuits.

**Q. How will you treat this commentary?**

A. I try my best to be mature as I can, so I ensured myself that I would act calm while talking about this fanfic. I will point out the many mistakes made in the fanfic, and even spew out blatantly thought out jokes on them.

**Q. Are you aware that this commentary will not be perfect and you'll probably make some stupid mistakes here?**

A. Yes, and yes. I required some help with this commentary, like where to improve and how not to be stupid, unintelligent, too vulgar or a hypocrite. Speaking of hypocrisy, I have had my experience with sexual stuff before which I sincerely enjoyed. As my sin of Lust, I have a fetish for girls' feet. At least it's better than the unnecessary gratuitous amounts of sex that are shown in this fanfic anyway… but that aside, I have checked it once, twice, thrice and many times for corrections and improvements to be done, as well as asking my sister and a few friends for advice.

**Q. Will you promise not to die on us while reading this fic?**

A. Yes, folks, I promise that. Besides the advice I gave you at the last question, the other key to surviving this fanfiction is three things of utmost importance, all of which will help me get through this fic;

Courage

– Be brave. Prove yourself strong and thoughtful, and breeze through the fic like you're taming the scariest dragon alive.

Wisdom

– Good sense and wise decisions are needed to get through this maze of bad writing.

And Friendship

– I am your friend in this commentary. You must trust me and band with me so we can escape this fanfic together.

Without these, you will surely fail to comprehend this fic, and will instead turn that computer of yours off, possibly to look at yourself in the mirror and cry. The fic is that bad.

Let the Games Begin!

The-Irish-Clover (Rory Bowden) Presents…

**EarthBound: My Version TOTAL REDUX**

**Written By:**

DarkAngus

**Fanfiction Age Rating:**

M (For Mature Audiences, 17 or older)

**Clover's Age Rating:**

18+

**Contains:**

Explicit (and meaningless) Sex, Coarse Language, Strong Violence, Discrimination, Religion Worshipping/Bashing, Crime and Sins, Drug and Alcohol Abuse, Gambling, Pointless Moments, Terrible Sex Jokes, Bad Writing in General

**Chapters:**

41

**No of Reviews:**

38 in Total

**Published:**

March 24th 2012

**Updated Last:**

July 28th 2013

How to Read this Fanfic:

(Blah) - DarkAngus's Writing

_(Blah)_ - The-Irish-Clover, commentating

_(Blah)_ - The normally italic parts in The-Irish-Clover's commentary

* * *

Chapter One! Ness Awakens

**_Rise and shine, Ness. It's a new day. The day where __everything goes to hell!_**

OK, so my name is Ness Humankiller Bloodshed People Eater Angus Lucifer Satan Bowser Xemnas Nintendofucker Jr.

**_That name is way too long for a human like you, Ness. It's not even human either! Also, you know that a fanfiction is going to suck when the chapter starts with "Ok, so…"_**

**_But sadly, at the start of Chapter 1, the fic already defies logic in every way imaginable._**

I am a 13-year-old boy from Onett, Eagland who wears baseball clothes and uses a baseball bat to kill animals.

**_Shouldn't you be arrested by now? Animal cruelty, dude._**

I have a seventeen foot long penis and everybody in my city wants to fuck me. Ever since I was two years old I have been like a sex god to them.

**_How can someone at the age of two be a sex god? For corn's sake, DarkAngus, he's only a minor! Also, a seventeen foot long penis? IMPOSSIBUUUL! Ness would have a permanent boner that would kill him from blood deprivation to the brain and heart._**

_Also, why would everybody in the town of Onett want to have sex with him? Not only is that impossible, but there is a law that stops that from happening._

When I was one I was kidnapped by a pair of sexy bisexual lesbian satanists, with huge P-cup breasts and tight dripping pussies.

**_Bisexual Lesbian Satanists…? First off, the Satanist bit starts off the fact that the fiction was written by a Satanist, a religion which we can proudly call "Pure evil." Also I just love how he called them Bisexual Lesbian. Those are actually two different things. They're either Bisexual, OR Lesbian. Bisexuals are attracted to both genders, and lesbians are females attracted solely to their own gender. Also, P-Cup breasts? Also impossible. The size of them could break your back. There wouldn't even be custom bras for that. Also, tight dripping pussies? It should be LOOSE dripping pussies. Tight pussies keep the liquid inside of it. But more often than not, during sex, they are going to be tight._**

They taught me so much, like how to kill, have sex, summon demons, and they even unlocked secret power in me called PSI. Now I could use incredibly powerful psychic attacks and kill millions.

**_I think we already established who the main villain is. Also that is certainly not education, especially for someone so young. In other terms, those two practically taught him nothing on how to be hero. Also you kind of don't need to be "taught how to kill", because even the dumbest of wild animals would know how to do that. Also … 'summon demons'? Sorry, but the last time I checked, there is actually NO demons in the MOTHER franchise whatsoever. Giygas isn't one either, because he is an __alien._**

**_Oh, and by the way, DarkAngus… what does this have to do with EarthBound? You might just be Satan in human form for all I care…_**

So they took me home the next year and my parents were so happy to see me. Suddenly, my dad shot both lesbians!

**_Parents know best._**

I was mad, so then I began to use an ultra powerful PSI move!

"PK... FLASH!" I said.

**_PSI Flash…? Did Ness grind to Level 18 throughout that time?_**

Suddenly, my parents were blinded and I pulled out my baseball bat and broke their heads with it! I ate my family's bodies and went to bed.

**_Seriously, Ness? …welp, don't blame your parents now that you're gonna die a lonely orphan with no mommy or daddy. Wait a minute, that's not going to happen, because DarkAngus fails at common sense._**

That was 11 years ago. Now, I am a teenager and was asleep, masterbating to a hentai porn movie called "_I Wanna Ride Your Cock 55"_ starring Ron Jeremy and Shigasato Itoi.

**_First of all, how did someone who is now thirteen survive eleven years at home all on his own without any parents? Did he even get a job at that age? And how did he have money for this house to pay bills, rents, and all else for food, furniture and all that living stuff? Plus I don't think it's possible to masturbate while asleep, unless a dream of yours makes you engage Sleepwalk Mode and have you do that. Otherwise that just doesn't work. Also, "I Wanna Ride Your Cock 55," with Ron Jeremy and Shigesato Itoi? Never gonna be made, folks._**

It was about three hours long and was almost over when I heard a knocking outside my door. So I walked downstairs naked and opened the front door.

**_Ness, get yourself dressed __before__ you open the front door. You don't know how your friends will really react over seeing your so-called long penis._**

It was my neighbor, Pokey Minch!

Pokey was really fat and ugly (sorta like Glenn Beck, only uglier [LOL impossible, am I right?]) and had a 4-inch dick which was shameful.

**_"Pokey looked like a real pig" would have been a better description for him, for Glenn Beck doesn't need to be mentioned in any part of the story. Even he wouldn't love to read this story. Oh, and a 4-inch penis? The average penis size is considered to be 6 inches, but considering Pokey is about 13, that just might be possible, unlike one that's a whopping 17 feet!_**

"Ness! Picky, my brother, is missing! I don't know where he is! You have to help me or I'll cut your dick off with a knife!"

**_…okay, I'll admit, that threat was a little more threatening than that in the original game. But that doesn't make up for the fact that the fic still blows chunks._**

Little did he know that my penis is made of iron. However, I decided to help him so I could kill them later just for fun.

**_No, DarkAngus. Penises are NOT made of iron in any way. They're not made from an iron factory. Oh, and have I mentioned that DarkAngus didn't mention Ness' dog, King? Neither did he mention his sister, Tracy? Yep, he just threw them away like a bag of trash. And of course, there's no mentioning of the meteorite falling on the top of the Onett Suburbs here. One chapter into this fanfiction, and already there's smut that has nothing to do with EarthBound. Pray for the apocalypse, people. We have dozens more chapters of this._**

I walked outside the door with Pokey and we were suddenly attacked by a million adorable animals!

**_Awwwwww~! ;w;_**

I pulled out my baseball bat and killed half the animals with it, then I turned the bat into a gun with my PSI powers and shot it at the remaining enemies! All the animals died and I drank their blood and ate their flesh.

**_Noooooooooo! ;A; …wait, what? How are you able to turn a baseball bat into a gun and load it with PSI? And Ness literally devoured the poor animals? …I want to kill myself, but sadly, the story has just begun._**

* * *

**A/N: Stay tuned for more, folks, as the story unfolds and this commentary gets funnier and funnier!**

**Next time on The-Irish-Clover: Thoughts on 'EarthBound: My Version TOTAL REDUX'...**

_Yeah, DarkAngus, you did improve on your spelling a little bit right here, but it doesn't help the fact that you make it look a LOT like a troll fic._


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Welcome to the next chapter of The-Irish-Clover: Thoughts on 'EarthBound: My Version TOTAL REDUX'!**

**Just a shout-out to DarkAngus himself: DUCK YOU TOO, DUDE! Please quit hating on people! (Namely, Christians!)**

* * *

Chapter Two! Ness Has Sex

**_Oh no. Welp, let the torture begin!_**

(AN: This is not a troll fic. I don't know why people keep saying it is, especially now that I have better spelling.)

_**Yeah, DarkAngus, you did improve on your spelling a little bit right here, but it doesn't help the fact that you make it look a LOT like a troll fic.**_

OK, so after we defeated the animals we continued to walk up the hill. All the police who were there had now left.

_**Too bad DarkAngus didn't mention the police and their roadblocks last chapter, let alone, the friggin' meteorite!**_

Suddenly, more animals came behind us! There were dogs, snakes, and crows and they were attacking us painfully! Pokey tried to run away but couldn't!

_**Because everyone knows what a useless coward Pokey is. At least that's some actual EarthBound stuff there.**_

I pulled out my baseball bat and began beating up all the animals. I took the dogs that were still alive and tied them up. Then I built a campfire and used my PSI to light it. Then the whimpering dogs were lifted up by me and were cooked over the fire. I ate them all as my breakfast, and it tasted amazing.

_**I take it back. This isn't EarthBound at all. Ness is a complete sadist!**_

Pokey and I continued walking uphill when I saw a bright red meteor in the ground!

_**Yay, the time travelling zexonyte-filled meteor from the actual game! ;v;**_

There was also a tree where Picky was sleeping. Pokey picked him up when suddenly, the meteor began to glow!

_**I notice a huge lack of dialogue in that first third of the chapter. Picky doesn't say anything about Pokey leaving him behind like a coward.**_

"Hey Ness," Pokey said. "Do you hear something that sounds like a bee?" Then suddenly, Picky pushed Pokey over and began beating him up because he left him alone there. Then he took his left arm off.

_**Picky isn't that cruel. Leave his personality alone.**_

Then a bee came out of the meteor! "A bee I am not," said the bee. "My name is Buzz Buzz, and I came from 20 years in the future to warn Ness!

_**Um, he came from TEN years in the future.**_

In the future, GIYGAS, the universal cosmic destroyer, as sent all of the Earth to the horror of eternal darkness.

_**Someone who's talking about the actual plot of the game… Ladies and gentlemen, Buzz Buzz. Best character in this fanfic, ever.**_

Ness! You must stop Giygas with the help of two boys and a girl. Pokey and Picky can't help you because they aren't cool enough."

_**Mostly Pokey who's completely useless and never there for poor Ness.**_

So the four of us began walking downhill, but suddenly a ROBOT appeared! The robot said its name was Starman Junior.

_**Yes, an actual Boss Fight too! Go, go, Starman Junior!**_

Buzz Buzz put up an invincible shield and I pulled out my penis and began bashing the robot with it, but it didn't work!

_**Because one's penis is not a weapon, Ness… sick retard…**_

But then the Starman began to give me a blowjob, sucking and licking the head of my huge penis. I moaned in pleasure...

_**…uh… PSI Fire, anyone?**_

Just then, Picky began chanting a magic spell and the robot shut down! "Picky, you didn't tell me you had magic!" I said.

_**Picky plays too much Final Fantasy.**_

"Yeah, I got it when I became a Satanist!" he said.

"That's so awesome!" I said.

_**No, that is NOT awesome! Neither was the entire boss fight there!**_

Then we all went inside on Pokey and Picky's house.

Their parents were inside, and they were naked and angry. "Pokey! Picky! I am going to kill you for running away!" And then Picky and Pokey were chased upstairs by their dad.

_**Oh and how can DarkAngus screw this scene up?**_

Suddenly, their mom came up from behind me and began to give me a blowjob!

_**OF COURSE! By doing THIS!**_

It felt amazing as she began jumping on my rock-hard cock, riding my iron rod until I exploded in an orgasm which broke her fucking vagina!

_**Ness broke Lardna Minch's vagina. Just as much as this fanfiction is going to break me.**_

About a day later, Pokey and Picky's dad walked downstairs. "I just killed them!" he said. "I also ate their corpses without any salt!" He laughed, and so did we. We had a huge threesome and covered the whole floor in our cum.

_**Worst. Parents. Ever.**_  
_**Seriously! This is worse than… well… Lardna and Aloysious having wild sex, if anyone is brave enough to imagine this!**_

Just then, one of Pokey's mom's boobs hit Buzz Buzz and he fell to the ground.

_**Uh, Lardna used her hand to slap Buzz Buzz to death. That or a fly swatter. But yeah… poor Buzz Buzz. That little dung beetle… or bee… no, he's not a bee- oh, whatever that thing is… he will be missed.**_

_**Next time on EarthBound: Bad Version – Ness buys a**_** Harem.**

* * *

**A/N: Hope you enjoyed the next chapter of The-Irish-Clover's epic commentary!**


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three! Ness kills Frank!

_**The title is not a lie. Ness actually KILLS Frank, and doesn't let him have a change of heart like he does in the actual game? Clearly DarkAngus doesn't know what the term "heart" means. And it's not just a body organ either.**_

OK, so Buzz Buzz had just died and we were all sad. Only Pokey's parents weren't sad, and I was okay too.

_**Thus the chapter starts with a moral of this fanfic: Everyone, except Buzz Buzz, is heartless.**_

Before dying, Buzz Buzz gave me a magic stone that could record music. He told me to go to the seven Sanctuaries and collect the music in them so I could defeat Giygas with the melody.

_**At least Buzz Buzz knows what he's doing here, but there's EIGHT Sanctuary Locations. Not seven, dimwit.**_

After he did that, Buzz Buzz died in an incredibly sexy manner.

**_How does somebody let out their last breath in a sexual manner? And if they can, why on Earth would they? What, do you think the sound of a dying moan of sexual pleasure will make this part anywhere heartrending?_**

I went outside after fucking Pokey's parents again. The sun was up and all the animals were playing, even the ones that I killed last night! So I decided to kill them again.

_**The power of senseless resurrection for the win!**_

After re-killing the animals, I went to find a gang in town to kill.

_**Seriously. I don't even remember Ness ever choosing to be a serial killer. He's not Ted Bundy or anything like that.**_

I decided upon the Sharks, who were a charity gang. I hated charities, so I decided to kill them all!

_**The Sharks are a CRIME gang. They don't talk about charities, or do anything regarding it. Also, what is wrong with charity?**_

My knives went into their hearts and my bat went into their brains.

_**When did Ness have knives in his inventory?**_

The police tried to arrest me, but I just gave them my middle finger and they exploded!

_**Because, folks, the middle finger is your most powerful body part, and it can do anything for you!**_

I went inside the Arcade where they were and began to kill all of them, while playing video games AT THE SAME TIME.

_**And how can you possibly do that? This I really want to know.**_

I was playing all of the Call of Duty games at once, along with the entire series of Grand Theft Auto and I was also masterbating to the dead female corpses.

_**Gross… oh, and by the way, Call of Duty sucks. Just saying. Besides, how can anyone play two entire game franchises at once? They don't have enough eyes or arms and hands to do that.**_

Eventually, I left the room and saw Frank outside. I took out my baseball bat and was ready to fight!

_**A Boss Fight… that too goes down the drain. Below is why.**_

Suddenly, Frank began to masterbate using his knives! He had an iron penis, like me!

_**Haven't you learned, DarkAngus? Penises are NOT MADE OF IRON! Also, how can you masturbate using your knives? You'll risk cutting your erection like a sloppy drunk.**_

I was scared, except I wasn't because I am a man.

_**Then why did you say you were scared at first? Boys and girls, a sentence that holds nothing but padding.**_

I pulled out my baseball bat and got ready for the fight! As we fought, I ate hamburgers to keep my HP up and Frank made out with his knives to keep his HP up.

_**Hamburgers + Heals HP = Yes**_  
_**Knives make out session + Heals HP = No**_

After I had killed him, Frank showed me his true form: a My Little Pony character!

_**…wait, what?! Where's Frankystein Mark II?**_

I hated ponies and girls shows more than I hated charities and human life!

_**Okay… Ness, you're not a brony. I understand that. But if you hate human life, then have you ever stopped to think that you're a human being too? More specifically, a human being that stopped acting like a human being?**_

I immediately killed the pony and ate it, and I vomited up a key to a shack.

_**Ness' stomach is a magic cauldron! …because logic!**_

Suddenly, all the Sharks came out and became Satanists like me! They vowed to be my personal army!

Then we had an orgy.

**_And so Ness became the worst criminal in the history of mankind and got executed along with the Sharks by the Onett Police Force. THE END! Oh wait, it isn't the end. There more…! *sobs*_**

* * *

**Please review!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four! Ness Kills Ants!**

_**Looking at the title, I ask why I'm not watching A Bug's Life instead of commentating on this so-called epic story.**_

(AN: Hey, could someone make EarthBound: My Version TOTAL REDUX a TvTropes page please?)

_**Dear DarkAngus,**_

_**"No."**_

_**Sincerely, everyone**_

OK, so after that epic orgy of darkness Ness opened up Frank's dead body and found the key to the shack!

_**Note that DarkAngus changed the writing from Ness' POV, to Ness' perspective. There is a difference. And didn't Ness eat Frank and cough up the key to the shack at the end of last chapter? You can't even get your continuity right, DarkAngus!**_

So Ness left (after having sex with a Transvestite Shark) and went into the shack. On the other side of that shack was a cave where Ness found an army of DEMON ANTS!

_**Demon Ants. It happened at Lakewood Manor.**_

The Demon ants gave Ness a powerful new Baseball bat that was made of fire and chainsaws which could amplify his PSI powers to imaginable levels!

_**How can you make a baseball bat out of fire and chainsaws? All you need is wood. And some ticker tape too. Also the Demon Ants are actually Black Antoids. They're enemies in the game. Why would they bless Ness with a weapon that cannot be realistically made? And why aren't they beating the crap out of him like they're supposed to? This. Is. STUPID!**_

Ness ran into the next room which was on the next floor and was attacked by army of ANGEL RATS!

**_A most delightful Angel Mouse: Hurrhurr_**

_**↑ Angus thinks that they're enemies, apparently.**_

The angel rats stole baseball bat and ran away, leaving Ness alive but half dead. Ness masterbated to make himself feel better.

_**Angels aren't thieves, DarkAngus. Also masturbation isn't the best way to cheer yourself up. Read a book, and one that is actually well written.**_

When he orgasmed, the cum formed itself into an even bigger baseball bat made of lava and 5000 more chainsaws! Ness used it as a dildo to make himself cum harder.

_**That has to hurt. A lot. It's IMPOSSIBLE to make a large baseball bat out of lava and five thousand chainsaws. Whatever happened to, oh, I don't know, WOOD?!**_

Ness ran into the final room where a giant ant was!

_**Ah, the Titanic Ant. How I had a hard time with this Ant Mother. Now how can DarkAngus crap on one of the hardest bosses I've fought in my life?**_

The Titanic ant used powerful PSI powers, so Ness decided to use an even stronger attack!

"PK... STARSTORM!" Ness shouted, causing every star in the sky to destroy the Titanic Ant, The Demon Rats, and Onett.

_**Even more proof that Ness is a villainous psychopath. Also, Ness does not know PSI Starstorm. …BRAWL DOESN'T COUNT! And isn't it surprising that this fake Ness learned it way too early in the game? He's hundreds of miles away from Deep Darkness.**_

Ness left when suddenly the Sound Stone began to gather the power of the music in the Sanctuary. Ness didn't like the music, but Buzz Buzz wanted him to do it.

_**But this song is so soothing. ;v;**_

Ness left when suddenly the police came and began to beat up the Ness because he wasn't supposed to be inside the shack or the cave. They also said that the Titanic Ant was the keeper of the first Melody, which would protect them from being killed.

_**Um, wasn't the Titanic Ant evil? It didn't mention that the ant was presumably working for Giygas, right? Also how could the police have known about and worshipped the Titanic Ant and her cohorts? They didn't in the game…**_

Ness killed all the cops except for one, which ran away.

The Chief of Police came and stabbed Ness right in the heart, instantly killing him. Ness was angry because of this and killed the chief of poliece by stabbing him with his own gun.

_**But Ness **__**died! **_**_How was he able to murder the police chief after this? There's no mentioning of how he revived himself._**

After that, the Onett Army came after me because I killed the Chief of Poliece. So I left to Tuscon, where the second melody was.

_**And the Onett Army decided, "Eh, let's not follow him all the way to Twoson. We're too lazy."**_


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Welcome to the next chapter! Thanks to Raphmaster14 for reviewing!**

* * *

**Chapter Five! NESS FINDZ PALLA!**

_**Palla, an ancient Roman mantle worn by women, fastened by brooches. Ness finds a palla and wears it all the way to Twoson. …Oh, wait, we're talking about Paula Polestar. Sorry.**_

(AN: UGH! IM GETTIN SICK OF U PEPOLE CALLIN MY FICKZ SHIT! I"LL SHOW ALL U FUCKERZZ! I DONT CARE HOW MY SPELLIN IS! YOU ALL SHULD B HANGD! MY FICKS ARE BETTUR THAN YOURZ!)

_**Says the brainless and butthurt 6-year-old that is DarkAngus.**_

OK, so I wuz now in Tuson where I was to look 4 da sexond (LOl sex xD) melodee. Along da way, I fuckd sum bugs and raped an aminal or 22.

_**Note that DarkAngus' spelling and grammar became gradually **__**worse**__** since where he last left off in this fanfiction. Also DarkAngus started doing really unfunny sex puns from here.**_

Eventualy I gut 2 Tuscon and i wint 2 da hotell 2 lok 4 sum hot chix 2 fuk (I luv fukin hawt chikz near hoetels, they get mai penizz SO HART!)!

_**Hotels are for Ness and his friends to sleep in. Nobody is going to give you sex here, kiddo.**_

Suddenlu I noticed old giuy looking for his father.

_**An old guy looking for his father…? Well, if the old guy's 80, his father might've died of old age by now. Wait, what does that have to do with EarthBound?**_

"Wat R U lookin for, old huy?" I askd him.

"Mai dottir, Paula Polestar." said old guy.

_**Wasn't the old guy looking for his father? …oh, wait a minute…**_

"she wuz raped and kidnapped and raped again and then she escaped and came home and we raped her and kidnapped her and then they raped and kidnapped her again." he daid.

_**That's a lot of meaningless raping and kidnapping.**_

"Who kidnappd her?" I askd

"The Happi Happiests" he sed. He told me dat they were gonna make her dere goddesss. The old guy den told me they were xtians and against rape and kidnappin,

_**Then why did the "Happi Happiests" rape and kidnap Paula? Damn hypocrites…**_

so I rapped and killed him.

_**Oh wow. Paula is NOT going to be happy when she finds out that her "saviour" violated (known as rapped, apparently) and assaulted her beloved (and overprotective) father.**_

So I killd the bike shop owner but then he told me he was Satanist

_**Again, people don't talk or move when they're DEAD.**_

and then i heald him and he let me steal his bike.

_**Because you can steal only when you're allowed to? …that's the law, right?**_

I used his bike of EVIL to break through an iron pencil blokkin my way.

_**Implying that you don't need a pencil eraser, which is the only way to remove the iron pencil. Also note that DarkAngus completely forgot about Everdred AND the Apple Kid too.**_

Suddenly, Nesses penis launched a beam of awesome energy that killed all the enemies in his way,!

_**WHAT? IMPOSSSIBUUUUULLLLARGGGHGKGHSOPGIHSDGOIH!**_

Suddinly, Ness came (lol) to the Happy Happyists hometown, the Happy Happy Village.

_**DarkAngus really thinks that it's pure genius to make even the unfunniest of sex puns, so be prepared to see a lot of them, with brackets proving so.**_

Ness was gonna kill them all for kidnapping such a hot babe, but then! they told Ness that they were Satanist Happy Happyists,

_**Then why did Paula's father say that they were Christian Happy Happyists? Who's giving Ness the wrong information here?**_

so Ness didnt kill them. Instead, he raped all the men and women and kids, and then had consentual sex with them as well.

_**And nobody liked it. Also, note that the chapter is really confused if it was written in Ness' POV, or in perspective. That too is how horribly written this fic is.**_

I went through a tunnel after having that epic orgy and I saw paula trapped in a jail! I went inside and fucked the hot babe inside while she was touching herself.

_**Little did Ness know that there was cell bars that were cockblocking him.**_

About a week or so later, she noticed me.

_**Why did she not notice Ness for about a week? He was **__**right in front of her.**__** She should've noticed Ness in a span of **__**one second**__**, implying that she had a telepathic dream about him in the game.**_

"oh hai Ness. You must be Ness. I had really sexy wet dreams about you ;)" she said.

_**Paula will then realise that this is not the Ness she knew and loved. Man the frying pan and amazing psychic powers, lady!**_

"What's your name?" I may or may not have asked.

_**Um, Ness obviously did ask her this, so I don't see why he is trying to act as Hamlet.**_

"Paula is my name. What is your name?" She said wetly.

_**Paula already knew his name in the first place. Why is she asking for it in person?**_

"My name is Ness Cain Murderer Xemnas Lucifer Malice Asmo'deus Revenger Yourmother Satan Underworld Edgeworth Bowser Peoplekiller Nintendo Jr. At least, that's what I named myself LOL" I told her sexually.

_**Proof that Ness sucks badly at names, just as much as DarkAngus sucks at it too.**_

"LOL my name iz Paula Lesbian Eeater Asslicker Sexlover Existencekiller Boobies Lesbian Edgeworth Earth'bound Dicksucker Polestar," she said while squirting cum onto my dick.

_**Again, these are not human names. These are names of evil clones of the two humans that are bloodsucking monsters. Also note that Earth'bound is one of the many names of her. I see fourth wall breaking here.**_

So we had amazing sex for 51.5 and a half weeks. Ness became horny and Paula used her magic PSI abilities to make having sex even more fun!

_**Whoa, nelly! 51.5 weeks is WAY too long. Meanwhile, the Happy Happyists spent those weeks doing nothing to Ness and Paula. Also Giygas took over the world.**_

So we left the jail when suddenly, PORKY MINCH appeared again to!

_**Didn't Pokey get eaten alongside his brother by his father three chapters ago? Also, note that DarkAngus will then be torn between naming him Pokey or Porky. Can't truly blame him though since he was called Porky in MOTHER 3.**_

Pokey began to fight us. "I kidnapped that bitch and now, I'm gonna do her!" :D

I was all like "NO u aren't! Shes my bich now!"

_**Male pimps in a nutshell.**_

"YEAH!" palla yelled. "Yer dick is small, only maybe 4 inches, maybe less!"

_**Or maybe no dick at all.**_

So Pokey ran away crying when suddenly, I used my incredible PSI powers to kill him! He exploded and all his guts and blood and body parts rained like beautful snow from the sky, which I caught in my mouth and ate. So did Paula.

_**The most brutal death I've seen all day. Also known as a FATALITY!**_

_**Also, DarkAngus will then senselessly revive Pokey for the sake of the plot later on.**_

So we left and Carpainter (leader of the Happy Happiests) came and made me and paula GODS! :D OMS IT WAS BEST DAY OF MY LIFE!

_**BAD ENDING! BLUE, BLUE! BLUE, BLUE!**_

So paula and I began fuckin in her parents van as I told her I killed her parents and she was happy and then she turned on the fan and we began going to Threek where we would have even more sex!

_**Note that DarkAngus also kicked the Runaway Five out of his fanfic. Also, Ness just told Paula that he killed her father and apparently her mother, and it doesn't even faze her? Well it comes to life that the moral is true. Everyone, except Buzz Buzz, is heartless.**_

* * *

**A/N: Please R/R!**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: I've decided to say that all you flamers, come at me, bro!**

**Enjoy this chapter.**

* * *

Chapter Five! Ness and Paula are kidnapped!

_**Note that this is meant to be Chapter Six, but DarkAngus was so stupid that he went one step backward.**_

(AN: I've decided to use my spellchecker again, okay? Happy now? Also, stop being such homophobes! Either be gay, bisexual or a stupid Xtian! Your choice, bitches!)

_**Duhhh okay, if you say so, stupid Satanist. OwO**_

_**Oh yeah, we have then officially learned that DarkAngus hates Christianity, and wants it to be erased from this Earth. He even gets its name wrong and calls it Xtianity, and its followers Xtians or Xians, because his spelling and beliefs apparently wasn't horrible enough.**_

OK, so now we were in Threed driving Paula's van which was her parents before they died.

_**The van belonged to the **__**Runaway Five**__**! Also, didn't Paula's parents own a preschool? Don't tell you bypassed that fact too, DarkAngus.**_

Threed was filled with ghosts and zombies and hookers, three things which I like to fuck! :D

_**So Ness likes to have sex with ghost and zombies, and has no fear of them. Well, this is gonna be one heck of a **__**thriller.**_

So we got out of the fan and began fucking ghosts and zombies!

_**I'm not ashamed to tell you that I almost got confused when DarkAngus wrote the typo "fan". Either they drove a van, or an electrical fan that is used to keep one cool.**_

Suddenly, I saw a zombie hooker walking into the hotel. So Paula and I and Ness walked into the hotel to get laid by this hot hooker!

_**Paula didn't bother protesting that sort of thing or even tried to stop Ness. She's probably just as brainless as DarkAngus himself.**_

She had like huge boobs and a sexy butt and a hot wet pussy and a fucking hot ass!

So she took us into her hotel room and then raped us and it hurt Paula but not me because I am much manlier than her.

_**And Ness has no sympathy for Paula whose life had been completely ruined, all because of him.**_

And then we were both raped by zombies and ghosts and zombie ghosts and we fell were knocked out.

_**Zombie gang rape, just like in the actual game.**_

We woke up in an underground cave where the doors were locked. Paula prayed to Satan that someone would come and help them out of there.

_**And Satan said, "Nope. I wanna wait til your souls come to hell so I can torture them. Happy rotting and not praying to GOD for a change."**_

_**And Saddam said, "Wow, this is getting me so hot. Let's f*ck!"**_

_**And Satan replied, "Awck! Again?!"**_

So I decided to make love to paula, ramming my 22-foot dick into her soft wet pussy, yelling "AngNess! NEss!" as I did so. She was cumming the moment I unzipped my pants, and her naked body glimmered in the sunlight.

_**There's no sunlight in the deep dark dungeon under the graveyard. Also, did Paula just call him AngNess? …I'm not gonna complain about that. Also, note that Ness' penis grew five feet more for no explained reason.**_

Suddenly, a machine came into the hole (LOL) we were in.

That machine is the Sky Runner, which was supposed to have MADE the hole as it crashed. Guess who's piloting it.

"HELLO!" the voice inside yelled. "My name is Jeff and I am a satanist, like you two." he said.

_**No. Jeff is not a Satanist. He's a nerd who is equipped with a beam gun, bazookas, bombs, gadgets and even bottle rockets, and can kick major ass.**_

Suddenly, he used a powerful gun and blew a hole in the door.

_**Wasn't it the Bad Key Machine which Jeff used? Oh yeah, DarkAngus threw it away, as well as ignored Winters, and Jeff's ENTIRE trip from Snow Wood Boarding School to here.**_

We ran out and Jeff began raping me! I enjoyed it so it wasnt rape, but I still liked it.

_**Nobody likes being raped.**_

Jeff killed all the ghosts that were threatening us, waving their blood across the moonlit sky.

_**OOOOOH! AAAAAAH! EEEEEEWW!**_

The town of Threed was completely dark and my penis loved the darkness.

_**Darkness fetish; Do **__**you**__** have one?**_

* * *

**A/N: Please R/R! :3**


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter Six! We Summon A Demon!

_**This is the first of the group of chapters that I like to call "Filler Chapters." These chapters have no purpose here and are just here to prove and emphasize more on how horrendous this fanfiction is. So we have an even longer road ahead of us, lads. In other words, a roadblock draws near.**_

(AN: Some people were messaging me about Satanism and I think I converted them. My parents host a Satanic Church in our home, as a matter of facy. If an one wants to become a Satanist like me, please just ask!)

_**Oh, DarkAngus… haven't you learned? Not everyone wants to be a Satanist, and it seems that nobody in this website will ever be. Except for the one who wrote My Immortal. That fic is painful to read, just like yours. Also, if that's true with your parents hosting a Satanic Church, I'll be sure to locate it and bomb it for the sake of humanity.**_

OK, so Ness, Jeff, Paula, Ness, and I were walking back to the hotel.

_**YEGODS! There's THREE Nesses!**_

We got room 666 becayse we are satainsts and we love dat number ;D

_**A sixth floor with sixty six bedrooms. Oh my! I shall bomb that hotel too!**_

So we took our blood-stained athames (which were colored blue because we got them from teh Happy Happiests) and carved a pentagram in the follr.

_**I dunno when Ness and friends stole those Happyist robes, but whatever.**_

Then we carved a circle around the pentagram and poured the Innkeeper's blood into the carved circle.

_**Ladies and gentlemen, these are not heroes. These are psychopathic evil Satanists pretending to be heroes.**_

We then chanted "ALMIGHTY SATAN, GOD OF THIS WORLD, SHOW US YOUR FUTURE!"

_**And Satan predicted that this fiction will be taken down by the staff of . Everyone, even those who hated Satan, was happy.**_

We chanted this 13 times while standing at the north, south, east, and west ends of the circle.

_**There are three kids and four ends of the pentagram circle. Who is taking up the fourth end, or are they just leaving it empty? And while I complain about it, the fourth member, Poo, is too busy doing Mu Training so that he can survive this fanfiction as well.**_

We then placed a candle at each point of the pentagram (green, blue, red, yellow, and orange) and chanted the following:

"AVE SATANI! IN NOMINE LUCIFER, SHOW US THE FUTURE!" we said thirteen times. Suddenly, a demon appeared in the circle named APOLOUS, god of prophecies.

_**Didn't Buzz Buzz already talk about the prophecy of Ness and friends defeating Giygas? …oh, don't tell me that DarkAngus is about to forget about it!**_

"Greetings, O Chosen of Satan!

_**Uh, it's O Chosen of **__**EARTH, **__**Mr. Apolous.**_

Our Almighty Master wishes to tell you that there will come (LOL) a day in the furture where the world shall be remade by Satan Himself.

_**Implying that Satan will plague the world and cover it with eternal darkness, and devastate every innocent person known to man.**_

All nonchristians will finally be happy in this paradise! All you have to do, Ness, is have Sex with Hawt Giygas for one million years!

_**…this is Rory Bowden, The Irish Clover. "Bullshit." That is all.**_

Your PSI powers get stronger every time you have sex! The longer you do it, the more power you will have!

_**Whatever happened to levelling up by defeating enemies to learn PSI?**_

I must go, Ness! FaReWeLl~!"

_**"FaReWeLl~!" said the pointless demon in Gamzee Makara language.**_

And then he disappeared, while I masterbated to his huge penis.

_**Moral of this chapter: The prophecy is a lie!**_

_**Meanwhile DarkAngus buried the Boogey Tent and the Zombie Paper, and left them to rot and never be mentioned for the entirety of his terrible fanfiction.**_


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter Eight! EROTIC SEX SCENE!**

**_Here comes the second Filler Chapter. DarkAngus got the chapter number right on this one._**

(AN: Hey everybody, I'm single, so if you like this hot sex scene and want to reenact it with me, message me ;D)

**_And everybody in the whole world stood around DarkAngus and proudly replied, "NO!"_**

OK, so Suddenly, outside our room, a hot babe with huge boobs and a giant, tight, dripping wet pussy came (lol) into our room!

**_Oh no! It's the Zombie Chick from Chapter Six Five! KILL HER! KILL HER WITH FIRE! Oh, and apparently DarkAngus STILL hasn't learned that dripping pussies are LOOSE pussies._**

Paula took all her clothes off and rubbed her boobs through her clothes. The hot blonde woman giggled at the young girl rubbing her N-cup tits.

**_N-Cup tits? That blonde woman's back must've already been broken at this rate._**

She was blonde and 8 feet tall, wearing a black top that showed her belly.

_**That's really tall for her. She should be on Guinness World Records**._

She had no bra onn, and her huge nipples were slowly becoming erect. She had plump, dark purple lips and black finger and toenails.

**_Much like any other hooker that DarkAngus can shove into this fanfiction._**

As Paula rubbed her boobs, the hot woman was beginning to take Paula's clothes off. Paula had DD cups (which were normal for her age) and were filled with yummy milk.

**_Sorry, but no. Paula is thirteen years old. She should have A or B cups. Plus it's impossible for her to have milk at that age. She's just started her teenage years like Ness did!_**

Paula placed her beautiful head in between her boobs, squeezing the hot lady's head between them. Meanwhile, I took my pants off and took the hot lady's pants off too.

**_Meanwhile, nobody notices and calls the police like they should._**

Slowly, I placed my huge erect dick into her ass, ramming in and out at lightning speed as she moaned hornily with me. We did anal for hours while Paula played with her boobs and made out with her and Jeff rammed his fucking huge dick into her wet pussy at ten times the speed of light.

**_Does Angus really mean that? Even Jeff knows that it's impossible for a human being to ram his erection into someone at the speed of 2,997,924,580 metres per second._**

Jeff was nervous because he had never had sex before, but Paula was teaching him how.

**_These thirteen years olds are just learning how to date. Don't teach them to have sex with each other! What is wrong with you?!_**

I came as hard as a falcon punch into her pussy, and so did Jeff and Paula.

**_Pointless Hot Lady: Watashi wa shinen! SHINENZU!_**

**_The Fake Heroes: FALCON… PUNCH! *they all go BOOM!*_**

I sat on the bed and all three of them gave me a blowjob!

"OH ANGUS!" Paula said. "I lust you! Fill me with your cum!"

**_Apparently, Paula is dreaming of the monster who wrote this fanfic. Whatever happened to poor little Ness?_**

"OH NESS!" Jeff said. "This is the greatest day of my life! Thank you for teaching me how to have sex!"

**I_'m now expecting Jeff to come to his roommate Tony and do the same to him, because I'm aware that this will happen later on. I just __know__ it._**

"OH NESS!" said the hot woman "Thank you for accepting me! I love your dick!"

And I came allover them, filling the room with my white, sticky cum! They got on the bed with me, moaning in pleasure while my permanently hard, 156-foot cock stood high in the air.

**_When and how did Ness' penis grow from 17 feet, to an ungodly impossible 156 feet? And there must be a time where it will soften for him. But what am I saying for someone who hasn't died of blood deprivation from the brain and heart yet._**

"Thank you so much, Ness," the hot woman said. "You have so much sexual energy in such a small body! I hope you're over 18..."

**_The hot woman, even though she did it with three pre-teens, knows the law on what age to have sex in this slowly decaying Earth. For that, I respect her._**

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU HOPE I'M OVER 18! I'M A FUCKING HOT MASTER OF SEX! IT DOESN'T MATTER HOW OLD YOU ARE, AS LONG AS YOU DON'T HAVE A FUCKING 4-INCH COCK AND YOU'RE AS HOT AS HELL LIKE I AM! FUCK YOU BITCH!"

**_Ness, my boy, you are overreacting. It does matter how old you are, because you, Ness, have been raping innocent people under and over the age of eighteen, as well as all of those other crimes here in Eagleland. In fact, why aren't you arrested? Why aren't you lying in jail or dead on the electric chair? And by that I mean dead dead!_**

And then I pulled out my baseball bat and Jeff pulled out his pun

**_Unfunny puns are used as weapons. Because reality._**

and Paula pulled out her neuclear frying pan

**_Nuclear Frying Pan? Not gonna happen. Paula and her friends, and anyone else near her, may get radiation poisoning._**

and we all brutally killed the bitch for her crimes.

**_The crime of having sex with underage people… right?_**

Then we all left the hotel after having a hotel orgy.

**_Rest in Peace_**

**_"Filler Hot Chick"_**

**_Chapter 8 – Chapter 8_**

**_"Was assaulted by evil, bloodsucking criminal Satanists who want to destroy humanity for us all"_**

* * *

**A/N: Please keep the good reviews coming, you guys! Also, PLEASE check out The-Irish-Clover's Fanfiction page! Give 'im a like, a fave, whatever :D**


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: Thanks to all of your wonderful reviews, guys! :D**

**Also, to an annymous reviewer: I am not trying to bash Satanism; I am merely posting someone else's commentary. I apologize if I offended anyone with these chapters. Please tell me if you want me to tone it down.**

* * *

**Chapter Nine! We have sex under a waterfull!**

**_Previously on EarthBound: DarkAngus' Version… nothing happened._**

_**You know this chapter is going to suck too since it has more meaningless and unneeded sex. I like that Dark Angus is now bothered to focus on what Ness and friends were supposed to go and do though, but that still doesn't make up for the fact that he destroys everything in sight.**_

(AN: OH MY FUCKING GOWD YOU STUDIP FLAMERS!

**_Apparently we are all studip._**

I PLAN ON KILLING YOU AS SOON AS I FIND YOU U STUPID FUCKERS!

**_Good luck with that. Your parents might not ever let you out of their house for good reasons._**

GO CHOKE ON your OWN CUMAND DYE IN A HOLE!

**_Dye? He wants us to dye our hair in a hole? Okay. :3c_**

I WILL KILL YOU, D4RKXSOUL! YOUR MOTHER IS A STUPID BITCH ASS CUNT WHORE WHO SUCKS DICKS FOR MONEY BECAUSE SHE CAN'T AFFORD ANY BECAUSE SHE HAS NO BRAI TO DO SO WITH!

_**This is how butthurt DarkAngus can be with every negative review he gets. So be prepared to see him cry and squeal at anyone who dislikes this fiction, just like me.**_

Also I waz gome 4 a while 4 resons I will tell U in da nect chaptur!)

_**Why can't you tell us now?**_

We begin walkun 2 da forest where da zombiez were.

_**Note that the spelling is even worse than that in the last chapter.**_

When we gut in2 dat cave, we saw ZOMBIES!

_**'Cause this is thriller! Thriller at night!**_

Paula bega masturbattin 2 da hawt zombie cox (witch were naut ass (LOL GETTIT?) hawt as my cox witch was over 18 feet long and hard and thick and made girlz cum hust by lookin at it!)

_**DarkAngus can't make his mind up on how long Ness' penis is. Also, zombie masturbation is a no no!**_

_**Zombie Fetish; Do **__**you**__** have one?**_

Jeff an I began suckin hawt zombie cok because we bwere horye 2 nad wanted 2 fucj a hawt zombie gut! we gat anal and we came hard. After this we wint 2 saturn bvalley werew we met the Mr Saturs !

_Oh no! DarkAngus! Will ruin us all! Zoom!_

They looked and tasted like boobs and they had a big nose and penis with a bow on the end of it. They were all guys but I still got them pregnant.

_Males pregnant! Not Possible! Ding!_

They told us that master belch was the one behind the zombiez and that we had 2 kill him 2 get rid of them. Paula liekd getting raped bi (LOL GETTIT?) zombies but I wanted 2 kill things so she agreed cuz she luved killing things 2.

_**Because Paula knows that zombie fetishism is not allowed in this world.**_

Jeff, Paula, Ness and I went 2 da leder of the Mr Saturnz

_**Angus, are you actually adding you into the party? I thought Ness was the one telling the story?!**_

and he said dat if u go under da waterfall for 666 minutes (LOL ) they wil let u enter.

_Nope. Tell heroes wait three minutes. Boing! Eleven hours and six minutes too long. Doing!_

I Had Incredible Sex With Him And So Did Jeff And Paula And We Fuvked And Then Killed All The Mr Saturnz.

_Woe is Me. Zoom._

So we wint 2 the waterfull and went behind it after having sex with the Photoman and the voice of the barf person said "Wait 5 minutes plz) so we did"

_**DarkAngus fails at maths. And counting.**_

Wile we water paula took off her top and asked us to suck ter tits so we did. Her boobs were bigger than her whole body and smelled like strawberriez and we sucked her pink nipples. We drank her milk so well and felt her big azz tits up and she giggled and rode both of our dicks until we had an orgasm and she came so hard. We drank her cum and her milk at the same time :D

_**And then they were told to start over again and not act like porn stars in their daily job.**_

Suddenly the door opened and green penis-like guys came.

_**Piles of pukes do not look or act like penises. Speaking of puke, I need to go vomit in the toilet. Maybe then, Master Belch will be born and will take me away from this filth DarkAngus calls a story, since technically this fic makes puke look like pure water.**_

_**Also, DarkAngus buries the Jar of Fly Honey.**_

* * *

**A/N: Please note that I am posting The-Irish-Clover's walkthrough! Please go see his channel if you have time :3 He's an awesome fanfictioner!**


End file.
